Mountain Sexology

Herstory Tells The Story

Women have been trying to control their fertility since the beginning of time.

Some of the oldest contraception efforts include hollowing out lemons to serve

as a diaphragm, packing the vagina with animal dung, and wearing animal parts

around the neck.

Margaret Sanger began to fight for contraception education in the early 1900’s.

As a nurse, Sanger would visit women who, because of many pregnancies

and large families, were in ill health. Many did die. Why didn’t these women

plan their pregnancies? Because their access to contraceptive information and

devices was restricted by the Comstock Laws, passed in 1873. This law made

it illegal to send any “obscene, lewd, and/or lascivious” materials through the

mail; contraceptive devices and information were seen as “obscene, lewd, and/or

lascivious.”

Margaret Sanger was imprisoned many times for breaking the Comstock Laws.

She finally opened the first birth control clinic opened in 1916. The women came

in droves: Sanger and her staff saw 460 women in the span of nine days. After

nine days, the clinic was raided and closed. But Sanger did not give up.

Famously declaring “No woman can call herself free who doesn’t own and control

her own body,” Margaret Sanger kept up her fight. In 1923 the first doctor-run

birth control clinic was opened and by 1929 there were 54 birth control clinics in

the United States.

Women continued their fight. In 1965, the Supreme Court found it

unconstitutional for states to restrict contraception for married couples, relying

on the constitution’s Right to Privacy clause (Griswold v Connecticut). In 1972,

Eisenstadt v Baird extended to right to privacy to single adults, stating “it

would be unreasonable to make the birth of an unwanted child a punishment

for fornication.” And finally, in 1977, with the Carey v Population Services

International case the Supreme Court found that minors had the right to gain

access to contraception.

It amazes me that as a nation we are still debating the right for women to control

their own body, their own welfare, and the health of their children. The recent

assault on women’s reproductive rights is wrong-headed. Contraception allows

women to decide their family size and the spacing of their children. Contraception

helps to keep population in check (that’s a whole ‘nother story). Being able to

control fertility allows women to enjoy sex without the constant fear of unwanted

pregnancy. Sex is, after all, a vital part of life and love relationships; should

anxiety and fear be part of a woman’s sexual life? Contraception also helps

women who experience painful periods, endometriosis, irregular periods, severe

acne, and other health concerns.

All the Republican presidential candidates are waging war on women’s life and

health when they promote limiting access to birth control. The answer is found in

herstory. Our world is better because of the access women have to birth control.

Kelley J. Wolfe, Ph. D. Clinical Sexologist

Helping Our Kids Grow into Healthy Sexual Adults

Parenting is important at every stage of a child’s life. But to raise a sexually healthy child, there is probably no more important time than the period before the start of adolescence: late elementary school.

During this time a young person develops a more complex understanding of sexuality, relationships, and healthy communication. During these formative years, the message they get from us takes shape. What we do and say (or more commonly what we don’t do and don’t say) will influence our children for the rest of their lives.

If you are approachable and answer questions about sexuality and relationships in a positive manner, it will almost guarantee your child a positive sexual foundation. This foundation will positively influence your child’s view of sexuality forever. Unfortunately, if the approach is negative, shameful, or absent, the reverse will happen.

Even though it can be scary to talk to our kids about sex, the issue of sexuality is and will continue to be an integral part of your child’s life.

When our children are young, their questions are “functional.” Common questions may include: “Why do boys have penises and girls don’t?” “How is a baby made?”

As our children mature, their questions begin to blend basic functional knowledge with a more meaningful, relational understanding of sex. They begin to have more questions about relationships and love, fairness and equality, negotiation and compromise.

And because the media bombards us with sexual messages, questions about sex come at earlier ages. In addition, because girls are experiencing menarche (a girl’s first period) at earlier and earlier ages we must transform the way we educate our children in order to catch up with the actual changes in maturity.

I think what creates so much anxiety for parents when faced with these questions is our view about sex, love, romance, and sensuality. The way we understand all of this is heavily influenced by what society, community, and media tell us about sex, relationships, and love. And the message they have for us is negative, unrealistic, and unhealthy.

First, when we have positive healthy attitudes around sexuality we are more comfortable talking to our kids about sex. Secondly, if we start educating our kids at birth, this conversation is simply an extension of earlier conversations.

Late elementary school is the time we need to begin talking about sexual feelings and attraction. These feelings are so strong during adolescence. Let kids know that those feelings are normal and that there are many ways people can express their feelings that are safe, healthy, and beneficial. Many people begin to develop sexual skills that will benefit them for a lifetime. Skills like the art of kissing, flirting, holding hands, being romantic, spontaneous, or adventurous. Those are important skills! Those are skills some adults have not learned, to their detriment.

By the time a child has gone through puberty, we have lost our best chance. If we wait until middle or high school, we’ve waited to long.

Impart positive sexual values early. Let them know that feeling attraction is a part of the human experience. Feeling loved can be one of the most rewarding feelings, and losing a love can be one of the most devastating.

Teach them at an early age they are valuable lovable people; they are deserving of healthy respectful relationships. Cultivate a strong sense of self worth.  When a child respects their body they are more likely to make healthy sexual decisions later on.

Let them know you are available to talk, that the door is always open, because as their parent, you want them to have a rewarding, positive sexual life. Let them know that a deep loving relationship with someone we are attracted to is one of those sweet special things in life.